God Alone

Tonight it’s a beautiful night. I’ve spent the day loving on boys, working hard, making a little bit of cash (not a lot…but a little), and praying for loved ones on journeys. I’ve got a cigar, a glass of wine that has been breathing for hours, and my guitar. I’m just picking and singing by the glow of the candlelight that happily bends to the soft breezes that join us on the porch.

I’ve lived well today. I’ve created things, loved those I encountered, and moved my life forward. There couldn’t be a more me situation right now. Even the guitar sounds flawless.

Yet something is missing. 

I keep looking to the empty spaces on my porch and wishing someone could be here. Someone to hear me play, someone who could sing, share stories of the day, someone who knows me and whom I know.

Is there something wrong with me? Am I too greedy? I’ve got great boys, a place to live, a job, dreams, a full belly…even the aforementioned luxuries. That should be enough…right?

It’s been a lonely season…and rightly so.  It’s a combination of summer and personal journeys of friends and family that has made it so. I can’t complain about it, I want the people I love to go have great experiences or find the life that coincides with their destiny. I just miss them.  I miss their company, the work we do together, or the process of seeing them grow. I miss having someone to talk to that you feel really sees you…sees you and loves what they see.

Conventional wisdom says that we aren’t supposed to feel this way. We are supposed to be self-sufficent and satisfied with our own bootstraps as company. Loneliness is equal to weakness and, in my experience, unnecessary exposure to dangerous souls. If I am to love myself then it stands to reason that I have no need of anyone else.

However, experience and philosophy often do not rhyme and in this case the dissonance is felt. When there is a collision of idea one must ask which one is out of sync…my belief or my experience.  It has always been my practice to look to the story of God for an answer to my own so I went to the beginning of relationship.

Our story tells us that in the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. How it all happened is not for me to say nor do I think we have the information we need to tell the story of the birth of the cosmos. What we do see in the first chapter of Genesis is a sculptor coming to an unformed lump of clay and setting to work.  He takes the elements present and by his word begins to create. Light, air, mountains, oceans, plants, flowers, trees, fruit, and animals. A perfect ecosystem balanced upon itself. In God’s on words, creation was good. God could sit on his back porch on a perfect evening, strum his guitar, and bask in a job well done…a day, several in fact, lived beautifully.

Then he had this idea…an idea that would literally change the world…

“Let us make man in our image, in our likeness”

Theologians have debated God’s moves since the words were written. Whatever you believe, one things is true; God set to work making a being that shared his heart, his mind, and his breath. This was different. This wasn’t a work simply for which to be proud, this was God making someone to talk to. God intentionally introduced a creature to the cosmos that would be able to see the world the way he did and be free to create and decide just like God. They were created to grab hold of the world. The command is simple…now it’s your turn to create and make this planet hum.

God and man walked together. God shared his life with the man…showed him all of creation and helped him understand his own heart. While man was built with the capacity to do anything he wanted to do, it would take some time to realize all that he could really be. It’s the joy of growing. Their walks in the garden helped with that. 

Then there was name the animal day - a crucial day where God realized that Adam was missing something. 

Up to that moment all of creation bore the stamp of “good”. Now, like a restaurant that failed an inspection, the license is being revoked. It is “not good” that man is alone. 

God made Adam like himself…complete in every way. Adam had everything he needed to fulfill his commission. He could completely experience the image of God just as himself. However, as God looked at Adam he noticed one giant thing missing…Adam had no Adam. He had no one to share his heart and his life. He had no equal.

This isn’t good.

If Adam is going to realize fully what it means to be alive there has to be a heart for Adam to give himself to. Someone to walk with. Someone to trust.

Adam goes to sleep, the image of God is divided, and Eve is formed. Eve is someone who is literally his flesh and bone. He who was complete is now found in communion.

I’ve never really thought about the intentional vulnerability of God in the creation of mankind until this moment. As soon as someone enters into relationship their life changes. In an ideal situation it changes for the better. We are designed to live in response to the others in our world. We gain our identity and support from them as well as a partner in creating a world. We long to be known and loved by another human and reel when love is betrayed…sometimes irrevocably.

God, we will discover in the next part of the story, is about to know what it is to hurt. His life is about to be altered. Some would say that he was better off alone rather than to take the risk of love…especially in the face of such failure. But love must love. God had a heart aching to be known and love bursting to be expressed. That only happens when we move into the life of someone else.

What we do here isn’t religion. We were absolutely designed to know and be known. Our faith is one of walking and talking with the one who created us and to hear his heart. His heart informs ours as we turn to others and open our chests to them. Injury will happen and healing will be required. But to not do it is to miss it.

To miss it is to not be human. To miss it is to not know God. 

He wants us to hear him play and in the listening we learn a new song to sing.

So tonight, I’m perfectly lonely. I think I understand the heart of God just a little better because of it. I'm going to get back to playing now.