I spent $35 dollars last night.
$35 dollars at the end of a staircase to the man sitting at the small table.
I got it at the A.T.M. at the bodega next door.
Fresh new bills.
Two Twenties
Had them for all of 2 minutes.
Got $5 in change.
$35
Took the last seat at the bar.
Wondered who else had sat here.
Miles?
Coltrane?
Now…Droege.
$35 earned me a red ticket…
The first drink.
Makers Mark…on the rocks.
I think that’s what one would drink in a temple like this.
An old man takes the stage.
His band shortly behind.
Red, Hot, and Blue.
Worship begins.
$35 to let my bruised soul get carried away to God.
Borne on the notes
$35 to hear back from Him that I’m worth loving.
That even if she never comes…
(She might never come)
…that I’m still worth loving.
$35 to know that I’ll be ok.
The first few notes of “Somewhere over the Rainbow”
the crown murmurs joy.
$35 to be reminded that there is hope.
Somewhere I belong.
$35 to adjusting my heart to love.
I love well.
I want to love well.
I just don’t want to be hurt again.
I might get hurt again.
$35 dollars to prepare for the pain.
I’ve made such a mess.
No way to avoid pain.
The notes scream again.
The music understands.
It says things I’m trying to say.
It’s the language of angels.
Or demons.
Either way…it’s the language of my heart.
I think God speaks it.
$35 to say stuff to God that I don’t know how to say.
The set ends.
Crowd starts talking.
Meeting each other.
Seeing old friends.
I’m alone.
Ascend the stairs from the temple.
I spent $35 and am entering into the night.
I worshiped.
My heart sang.
My heart cried.
I think He spoke back.
I say goodbye..
…and thank you.
…to my $35
