It's seldom that I sit down to write and stare at a blank screen. Today my mind is filled with thoughts that I do not know how to begin. The morning was spent finalizing thoughts that it is my privilege to give to a couple who is starting a new life together. I'm the sort of man who will be writing and rewriting these thoughts until the moment we begin...then I give my thoughts and mouth to God. I'm not missing the grace given to a man who has had the kind of road I have had. I get to be involved in the consecration of love...me, who by the observation of many, has failed dramatically at it.
Truth is, I do still believe. All along the edges of this broken and battered heart, I believe.
I've come to this weekend alone with many thoughts running through my head. I've been tired lately...a tired I can't seem to shake. There is a recognition in me, along with some gentle rebuke from those who see me, that my fire isn't blazing as it once did. Maybe I can chalk it up to heartbreak or disappointment or losses, but I have had to admit that I've retracted my heart...and the world has lost some of me as a result.
We are people of passions. This is the essence of who we are. People made in the image of a God of passions, of Whom St. John could only describe as Love. When one has been injured, the overwhelming temptation is to retreat and contribute on a minimal level or accept less than what your heart cries for. We don't want to get hurt again. We don't want to lose again.
I was reminded from a very unlikely source this week, that I am the sort of man who plays life "all in". I give 100% of myself to those things I have chosen to love. I do it, not for return per se, but because of the joy of being. It's the passion of love that has always driven me. These days, I've backed up, and found myself leaning on a wall trying to catch a breath and debating if I have enough to get back out on the dance floor.
I don't. He does.
I've learned in my life that passion is what we do...not just what we talk about or prescribe. Passion is jumping off a cliff when we are terrified. It's getting on the dance floor because you love to dance, even if you don't know the steps. It's doing the steps over and over until you learn. Passion means going into the garden and pulling weeds all by yourself, hoping that someone will join you, but still working for beauty even if they don't. Passion means putting your feet on the floor even if you wake up every morning terrified. Passion means putting your heart back out there, because that is how your heart lives.
Today, I say to Gregg and Kate, passion is about standing before all your family and friends and saying "I'm going all in..." knowing full well that the safe bet is to just spend the day with friends drinking by the river.
It's not human to play it safe. Smart, yes...safe, no.
We have no idea what the future holds...but we at the party and I say we dance with the reckless abandon of fools and people in love. We know who brought us...and love says dance as long as we can. Let's work it...sweat needs to form on our brow from something other than fear.
Each step is one toward forever.
We will probably hurt again. Life filled with passion is seldom without scars. But we will have lived. And, at the end of the day, those we loved will be better because we did.
Blessings Gregg and Kate...go all in.
