Friday, August 28, 2009

Waiting

Here I’ve come to this
waiting room of the world

Chairs of leather and metal
Not designed for comfort.

Old magazines, television running talk shows, musack

They say there is healing inside…
When my name is called.
Why hasn’t my name been called?

The sliding glass…hope?
Someone else’s name.

Maybe I’m supposed to heal myself?
Take two aspirin and do the right thing.
I’ve done that before.

This time I will wait till my name is called.

Maybe I don’t have the right insurance.
Could it be that everyone knows I’m…
Terminal?

I’ve loved well.
I’ve even fallen in love.
Prayed that love would rescue me.

I wait for love.
That would heal me.
Right?

Why is it so cold in here?
Coughing and moaning
So many sick around me.

“I’m really tired, nurse”
“Me too…were all tired here”
This waiting room of the world.

Tell the Doctor I’ll be here…
…waiting for him.
Just like it’s always been.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

love sweats

It’s only found in the gospel of Luke. Even there, it’s not found in most of the early manuscripts. All four writers agree that Jesus was in the garden, that he prayed, that the disciples fell asleep, and that he wanted to have the “cup” pass from him. Luke adds this detail:

“He prayed so fervently and he was in such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood”.

He wasn’t running or lifting heavy things. It wasn’t a hot and humid summer day. He was sweating from sheer passion.

There isn’t enough conversation about sweating. All we usually hear about sweat is how to avoid it and stay “extra dry”. I’m the first one in line to want nice dry shirts as I go through my day, but I don’t want to avoid the sweat that means I am really living. People who sweat for right reasons do so because they are doing something extreme. Sweat is your body’s way of helping you survive while you go the extra mile in whatever you are doing. Sweat is always the result of doing something uncomfortable. You exercise, you sweat. You have a stressful job interview, you sweat. You have to wait outside of the principal’s office because you lit a trash can on fire, you sweat.

The most beautiful sweat however, is the sweat that falls for others. You’ve seen the commercials of the marines trudging through a forest or desert carrying 70 pounds of gear in full dress. The dirt streaked by lines of sweat running down their faces. Consider firefighters, running into a building that people are running from - sweat.

People call it brave.

I call it love.

Bravery is love, sweating.

Ever notice that Superman doesn’t sweat? He doesn’t need to. He is the man of steel. Whatever fight he is in, he is going to win with very little effort. Superman is strong, powerful, and incredibly helpful - but you could never call him brave. Bravery requires the potential of suffering - even of loss. We could call him heroic - maybe. After all, Supe lost his whole family - his whole world. He could have been justified in coming to earth and just living. No one would expect him to serve humanity. So, it could be argued that he is heroic. Bravery is another matter.

That’s why my favorite superhero is Batman. Batman is the one superhero that is anything but super. He has no powers. He can’t fly, his chest is as much flesh as mine, and one stray bullet will take him out as quickly as the rest of us. Batman is the way he is because he sweats. He punishes his body and disciplines his mind so that he can be a hero. When he goes out into the dark night, it isn’t as Batman - it’s as Bruce Wayne. Each time he goes there is the very real possibility that this could be his last night…and many times the bad guys get away.

Clark Kent is a way to hide Superman’s true identity - the cape and cowl hid Bruce’s.

Batman sweats.

When Jesus is in the garden he is feeling what’s about to happen. He knows he is about to suffer, he knows it’s going to hurt. He knows that it’s going to get dark. He knows he will be alone.

He gives himself to God.

He sweats.

I know he feels alone. It’s one of those nights that he just wants someone to be with him…maybe even to hold him and tell him that they will love him no matter what he has to do. He asks his closest companions to do that with him. They sleep.

Notice why they sleep.

“…He found them asleep, exhausted with grief”.

This night was hard for them - no one would deny that. However, to deal with their hurt they checked out. They chose to not feel. It was their way of self-medicating.

Jesus, on the other hand, was man enough to feel it all and take it to God and do what had to be done. That is unmeasured bravery. That is love sweating.

The road was clear - love’s calling to Jesus was clear. The rest of the story was a blank canvas. Jesus could do this great deed and no one would come. It was entirely possible. That’s what makes it brave. Love sweats because it pursues the good, suffers for love, and accepts the possibility of loss. Brave souls love for loves sake and act, not for what they get, but because sweat is the natural byproduct of a man who loves.