It's nearly 2 AM and I'm curled up in bed reflecting on another Christmas. Every Christmas is vastly different from the one before. This Christmas, when trying to come up with a word, was simply...good. I suppose what I mean is that everything that happened somehow, I'm believing, was the way it should be. It was a Christmas of limited resources, and one that marks the end of one chapter of my life and begins another. Tomorrow begins a week of much preparation.
I was listening to a radio show about how, in the midst of all of the celebrating, Christmas is a day with intrinsic dissapointment. It's a day where our hopes are set so high that it's impossible for the day to meet the challenge. In other words, it's a day we realize that we don't get everything we want.
I had to admit that it was true, I wasn't driving home with everything I wanted. There are a few things that I would like to be carrying with me. But I'm not sure I felt dissapointed. In fact, I'm satisfied. Sure, there are parts of my soul sipping a late night bourbon with Blue Christmas playing on the jukebox, but as I returned home and considered the day, I know it was a day well spent. I used the resources I had to tell people in different ways how they matter to me, got to celebrate with people I love from morning worship through the wee hours, was comforted by text exchanges from my children that they are well, and filled my belly with good food and wine.
No room for complaining there. Tomorrow
I'm going to get up and try all those things again.
In my final reflection, I think that might just be the point. I love Christmas because it's the beginning of the conversation of love and not merely an annual shout-out. Tomorrow I'm going to get up and I hope to spend time with people I care deeply for, spend my resources on making the world better for myself and them, interact with my boys, and end the day proud of how I lived. I'm guessing I'll end the day with a few items on my wish list, but if I'm given a whole other day I'll keep walking like I did today. I want to end each day proud of how I lived, how I gave, and how I loved. I don't want to waste a moment on dissapointment that I could be spending embracing the wonder of every season.
It's the day after...now let's get to living.
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